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Well 2018 has been a right b!tc# and I'm glad to see the back of it. 2018 saw my divorce finalised, saw me unemployed for 6 months and felt the most alone I ever have.
This year I'm refusing to make a new year resolution - instead I'm just going to live with more intent, be more at peace with myself.
Happy New Year!!
Today I bit the bullet and bought a new set of scales (this will be the third set I now own).
I bought the Anko Bluetooth Body Analysis Scale which is amazing for someone like me who can't see her toes because of her gut.
It took me about 2 minutes to set it up.
I had to test it out and they scales tell me I'm at 155.4kg. That's a huge loss, but I'm going to assume there's just a big difference between the scales at the gp and these ones.
At least I'll have scales to use consistently now to track my journey.
Oh and guilty confession time - I devoured a block of Cadbury hazelnut chocolate.
Anyway, onwards and upwards.
After days of being pestered by my mother over the phone, I decide to step on the scales to see how bad the damage is; the scales return an error - I guess that's me off the hook. Not that I would ever share my weight with her. I'm 37, not 7. My weight, my life.
Was it really my life? I stop, I breathe, memories flood back to how amazing my life used to be and how dumb I was to not see that changing until it was too late.
I book in with my GP who immediately recommends surgery - it's the new "easy fix" - I explain that every time I have needed "keyhole surgery" I've ended up being completely opened up and required weeks of recovery afterwards. I don't have the luxury of being able to afford the time off.
He then suggests Duromine. Hesitant, I agree that at this point, that's my best option. He asks me to step on the scales - 160kg! The last time I stepped on scales was 12 months ago and then I weighed 147kg. I feel nauseated just thinking about it. No wonder I don't have a partner or my own family (no children). My GP can see that thoughts are speeding through my mind - he knows I have bipolar tendencies and asks if I'm still seeing my psychologist, I confirm that I see her at least once a month.
Today is my second day on duromine. I haven't lost my appetite, but I am thirstier, a lot less tired and a little more motivated. Sleep doesn't happen at normal times anymore - hence this post.
I can't share with family or friends so this blog will be my accountability on my journey from 160kg to 95kg.