My Journey (Vegetarian, 25 and low self esteem)

Published by Coffee_Maple . Views: 171

Hi all,

I guess I am using this as a way to journal my experience but gain insights from everyone and share mine.

SW: 85 Kgs Height:156 Age :25 - I am also a vegetarian

Day 4 CW: 82.5 kgs

Goal: I don't exactly know what achievable so i'm still not 100% sure - but need to start somewhere
Emotional goal: To feel confident and stop feeling ashamed in the mirror
Short goal - Under 80
Big Goal - between 65-70

So, a bit about me and how I got here.
I was a pretty slim kid (although my there is a lot of obesity in my family) and spent most of my teenage years in an Aus size 8-10. But my mother always used to pick out flaws and created some real body issues for me.

That has kind of always stayed with me - and she still continues to act this way (you can imagine how it is now i am 15-20 kgs heavier)

Fast forward to when I was 19 and left home, having to fend for myself and navigate todays temptations as well as some bad relationships led me to where I am now... I go from diet to diet trying to lose weight ( you name it, i have probably tried it) so i can be just be confident and feel good but just found it impossible to stick to anything.

I am also 1 year out from my wedding day. This is where i found my breaking point where on a vacation with my fiancee for the first time ever i said out loud to someone that I was fat and truly showed someone exactly how low my self esteem really is (Obviously i had said it to myself but never to anyone else - Has any one else had that) my weight was impacting my sex life and relationships and I was struggling with depression and anxiety as a result and quite frankly i was sick of it.

TIME FOR A LIFE CHANGE

so my plan for my time on duromine (Doc has me on a month by month system - for no more than 3) is to use the benefits to cut the bad habits and replace them with a healthy and sustainable lifestyle (which for me is a plant based diet that is full of fresh fruits and veg that makes me feel great and energised and i am no longer always thinking and stressing about food) and be kinder to myself along the way.

I am on Month 1 and day 4 (I'll mention here technically speaking its 1 am on day 5) so clearly insomnia is one of my side effects.

So far I am mostly enjoying duromine - lets start with the positives
  • I am enjoying for the first time ever getting up early. I'm wide awake with heaps of energy somewhere between 5 and 5:30 and on day 1 and 2 i did workouts (HIIT & some strength)
  • Day 4, there was morning tea in my office - which always challenges me with chips and choc and all sorts of fatty, salty and sugary foods and I can't remember the last time i felt so in control - I didn't want any of it - i took 2 strawberries and walked away
  • I have also lost 2.5 kgs and can already feel my face slimming and just ever so slightly looser jeans

A few side effects - but nothing to deter me yet
  • Sleeping (most nights i just wake up a few times and then get up at 5:30am) but tonight I am just wide awake I think maybe this is because day 3 and 4 didn't have any exercise
  • Day 3 I travelled to Melbourne for the day with work and it sucked - I felt nauseous all day with an awful headache. But i managed to slog through and rewarded myself with a massage this afternoon
  • I don't consider it dry mouth, but do have some mouth problems - it feels like the inside of my mouth is peeling on my cheeks and i have a lump in my throat (not dry) but more like that feeling when you swallow some food just a tiny bit too big and don't chew properly and it stops in your throat for a few seconds, which more than anything is just annoying
  • still a mouth issue but one of my bigger challenges is a really tight/sore Jaw. not consciously, but I am clenching down on my back teeth so much and i think the tension is contributing to my headaches (any tips on this one)
  • Bug eyes - this one is kind of silly and maybe not attributed but my eyes have been quite sore (right behind the eye) to the point where I feel like i have big bug eyes but again Tension headaches do that to me pre D

I am also finding I am REALLY not eating enough - I haven't been tracking calories but today I have a falafel salad and I ate 3 falafels (the were mini) and left everything else. Similar stories with Breakfast and dinner - tonights was a cup of roast veg but day 3 on my way home was a banana. I have never been much of a meal prep-er and hate cooking (PTSD from stressing about what will make me fat?) so any tips are greatly welcomed.( pretty please vegetarian if you have any meal plans)

So my next few days will be focusing on ensuring I am eating well + enough and exercising and just trying to slow down and relieve these tension headaches a bit with some Yoga and meditation.

Will keep you updated on the journey.

pics for ref

2012 2017 (my more recent pics aren't appropriate)
Where I started.jpeg Where i am now.jpeg
Wish me luck
Sep 7, 2018
  • April
  • Jazz
  • missclaire
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