Just another girl, standing in front of a salad wishing it was a doughnut
Published by Lized . Views: 570
I started on D 4 days ago after much deliberation. I'm naturally an anxious person (my life is quite stressful with small kids, full time corporate job and about 8 years of broken sleep to date) so I was very worried about the side effects I read about online.
But first, here's a short summary of "me":
......until last year when my metabolism died a very sudden and unexpected death
- I'm 35 years old (or as I like to say, I've had five 30th birthdays) and a single mom of 2 kids aged 6 and 7 - my eldest has ADHD and is quite a handful emotionally so life is generally quite stressful;
- I'm 1.7m tall and currently weigh 58.4kg with BMI about 20;
- Before you think I'm mad complaining about weighing 58kg at my height, let me give some perspective: I weighed VERY little all my life - averaged about 50 kg until my late 20's and went up to about 52 kg after my kids were born. Although I'm tall(ish) I have a very petite bone structure so as little as 3 extra kilos and I go up a pants/dress size.... true story.
- I dont gym/exercise (simply impossible with being a single mom and having no one to stay with my kids while I go to a gym), but I am very busy all the time - I never sit still - so until last year I have always been able to keep a fairly healthy weight by simply eating well (I've always been a good eater, no take outs love veggies etc) and keeping an eye on my sweet tooth (LOVE chocolate).
Considering the above, you can only imagine what a serious mind shift it was for me during pregnancy and after: I weighed 50 kg when I fell pregnant with my daughter (I was 28 years old when she was born) and gained only 13 kg which I lost within a few weeks. BUT I gained 21kg with my son who was born only 20 months after my daughter....which meant I had NO clothes to go to back to work in. So I had to gym 5 days a week for 3 months to get (most of) the weight off again - this was at least do-able back then when I was still married because my ex would stay home with the babies when I would pop out to gym after they had gone to sleep).
After my son was born I realised I had to make peace with the fact that my body had changed and that, in fact, I should stop my moaning and be grateful that I still looked pretty good for a mom of two who doesn't starve herself or have to gym 5 days a week - which was (and is still) really REALLY hard because I have always had an unhealthy body image and always equated being "thin" with being "pretty/attractive" (jip I am admitting it.......).
Right....so, last year slowly but surely I started gaining weight....not drastically, just started filling out my jeans more and noticing some fat around my waist (which was odd since I only used to gain weight around my hips and bum). I blamed it on red wine (lol) and made an effort to watch my wine intake.... but it didn't help. Then one day I got on the scale and I officially weighed more than I did during MATERNITY LEAVE with my son. Self esteem = dead dead dead.
So, one Sunday afternoon I sat chatting to a good friend of mine (whom I've known for years so he knows how unhappy I can make myself about weight etc) who is a Dr and he suggested I try Duromine to get me started. I walked around with the script in my handbag for nearly a month - too scared the side effects would be as bad as I read (I have a very stressful life and just couldn't risk something like side effects affecting my home and kids) - but I completely and utterly hit rock bottom when last week the scale went up yet another notch for absolutely no reason!
So, as I said, I'm on day 4 today. And I really don't feel so great at all. I don't have anyone to talk to about it since I haven't told anyone I know that I started taking these pills - its so out of character for me to take diet pills that I quite honestly don't want to tell anyone in my friendship group.
Ive done ALOT of reading on this forum to see what everyone is experiencing but I haven't come across anything similar to my experience. I feel slightly woozy but not too bad - not sleeping any worse than I already did before starting so no biggie there either - but I am EXHAUSTED. And everyone is boasting about so much energy and even cleaning cupboards at 3am Will this fatigue last the whole 3 months? It's so so demotivating to feel so tired all the time (or shall I say even more so than I did before) and I'm worried about getting the blues which I simply cannot afford on top of everything my life needs from me 24/7...
I've had the most awful past 4 years (divorce, moving house twice, re-entering the disastrous world of dating again after 30 etc etc etc). So my hope with this that I will lose this unwanted weight without feeling like its torture (and hopefully without having to give up the occasional glass of wine!!), fit into my clothes again and overall just feel better about myself again so I can be a happier person and mom.
I'm looking forward to chatting to everyone and keeping each other motivated.
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