Viewing blog entries in category: Motivation
Utterly disappointed with myself....
Weight is a war have fought my whole life....
I allowed myself to think that i had won; how wrong i was
Standing on the doctors scales was like a slap in the head and it gave me the wake up call I have needed for a while now.
The last 3 years have been some of the lowest points of my life, drawing on my inner strength to emotionally cope with all the changes I faced saw me let go of the reins regarding my weight and my own health.
But today the excuses end... and the real work starts.
This day is the last time i will see 116.5kg on the scales!!!
I know I can do this and i will.. I will get back to 85kg ...
start weight 71.1
Current weight 66
Goal weight 57
30 mg D
My first 5 days on D I dropped to 67.1
Then I was stuck on that weight for 2 days then went back to 67.3
I had my period so I was like okay maybe that’s why . I stopped weighing my self every day and I thought that’s it once a week is enough I didn’t want to become paranoid so I waited for day 5 of my period and jumped back on the scale and it was 66 kg
So I lost 5.1kg in nearly 2 weeks
My next weight in is due in 2 days
I try to go to the gym everyday
Walk on the treadmill for 2 km
Then do 30 mins of weights
I try to do 2 cardio classes a week
I don’t want to push my self too much because I don’t have an appetite to eat much
I have 1 to 2 weet bix with fruits and almond milk every morning with coffee
I will have a cup of hospital grade sustegen
Dinner will be a small amount of what ever I cooked that day ( I don’t cook fatty food and try to keep clean as much as I can ) to keep up with my 3 kids demands lol
I have struggled with sever depression and anxiety for the last 2 years
Gained 12 kg
I just want to feel good about my self and that will help boost my self esteem
I don’t sleep enough
I get heart palpitations
Thirsty ( I try to drink lots of water )
But overall it’s not too bad
I don’t get cravings of sugar and fatty food like I use to before I took D
This is my first time on D
I wish everyone best of luck on their journey
Last night I didn’t end up taking the 1/2 tablet of OTC sleeping aid, but did manage to get 7hrs 3min sleep (according to Fitbit).
I still woke up at 5am to take D, but have found that I am not feeling a huge boost in energy. I think I am probably a little more awake? I don’t know lotl On the plus side, I am not as sleepy in the afternoon, haven’t got a dry mouth, and my headache seems to be subsiding (I have had it since Tuesday).
My food intake has been pretty good today, though I haven’t managed my morning and afternoon snacks. I don’t really feel like eating, but I do feel hunger pains if I go too long without food - weird I bought an easy dinner for tonight: Crunchy Asian Salad and BBQ chook.
I got the keys to my new house this morning, and had to take my dog to the vet (he just wasn’t himself. Apparently it is just a tummy bug... phew!). I have also been out and about running errands today, and haven’t managed to do any exercise yet. I have 2x flights of stairs in my new house, and 1x in my current house, and I managed to reach my stair ascent goals today on my Fitbit. My muscles have calmed down since yesterday, so I will attempt to do another Fitbit Coach workout this evening before dinner. The next few days will see me packing and moving house - so that will take care of my exercise (as much as I hate moving).
I have been relatively motivated despite my low energy today. The only thing I have felt bad about today so far is not having done my exercise yet.
OH! I almost forgot! I decided to give myself an END DATE GOAL of 1st July 2019 to reach my goal weight. It’s a pretty optimistic goal seeing as I need to lose 34.5 kg to be at my goal weight (so, an average of 1.4 kg per week). The strange thing is, my body fat percentage is 36.5% - Does that mean 36.5% of my current weight is body fat? I mean, 36.5% of 95.5 kg is 34.8 kg, so that makes a bit of sense, and would put me at about 60.7 kg. But wouldn’t that be a loss of ALL body fat, and don’t we still need a percentage of body fat? Also, my BMI says that 50-55kg is my ideal range - I know BMI is notoriously lower than it should be, but still! When I used to weight 68 kg, I was pretty happy, though I knew I could really lose around 5kg more. I dunno - food for thought I guess. I might do some reading on it.
I will check in again later and add to this post before bed tonight xx
END OF DAY UPDATE:
I didn’t manage to get a workout in tonight as I was busy packing for the move (not my favourite pass time lol). Earlier today, I was wondering about body fat percentages, and what is considered to be a healthy percentage. Well... I WORKED IT OUT!!! so here goes!
1. First, at 95.5kg, I know that my body fat % is 42.7%. That tells me that 42.7% of my 95.5kg Weight equates to 40.8kg.
2. Second, Given that 42.7% of Weight is body fat, that means that I would weigh 54.7kg with 0% body fat - but obviously, that’s not possible.
3. After searching through multiple academic papers, It would seem that for me (35 year old Woman), a healthy range of 20-25% body fat is recommended.
4. To work out what my ideal weight would be, given that I would weigh 54.7kg with 0% body fat and knowing what my healthy body fat range is, I can assume that my final weight would comprise 20-25% body fat, and 75-80% body (I’m just going to refer to everything that isn’t body fat as “body” ). So here is my calculation:
At 20% body fat:
y = 54.7/0.80
y = 68.38kg
At 25% body fat:
y = 54.7/0.75
y = 72.93kg
(*y represents my unknown goal weight.)
So, broadly, my ideal weight is a range from 68-73kg, which is a FAR CRY from the 50-55kg that most weight charts suggest for my height. And that’s totally fine, because... everyone is built differently. I generally build a lot of muscle than average, and my frame is larger than other women of my height. Also, this calculation will change as I build even more muscle.
This also means that I actually need to aim to lose around 26.6kg, instead of the 45.5-35.5kg I initially thought I needed to lose.
Anyway, I thought that was interesting to share. Xx
I had some pretty solid plans last night to not just roll over in bed and go back to sleep after taking my tablet at 5am, but to get up and walk my dog. Alas, I was so tired that I just went back to sleep. But to be fair, I was just as tired when I re-awoke at 7:30 ish, and the tiredness was gone after about 15min. Damn... I probably should have pushed through and went for the walk at 5am. You live and learn
Although I got about 6hrs sleep last night (not ideal, but not the worst) I actually don’t have as much energy as yesterday. My body is quite sore from yesterday’s HIIT workout, so perhaps that is contributing to it. Given my low energy and sore body, I think I might leave the Fitbit Coach workout for today and take my dog for his walk this evening. It’s about 1000 degrees C in Brisbane at the moment, but hopefully it’ll be cooler later on. Maybe I can source some beginners Pilates instructions, I hear that Pilates is fairly beneficial! I will be moving house in the next few days, so I will be set for reaching exercise goals on those days haha
I have been reading over quite a few blogs on this website, and not only are they super informative and motivational but they have made me really consider the <1000 cals I consumed yesterday. Food is fuel for my body, and too little fuel is going to hinder me in reaching my goals. Today I have focused on reaching calorie targets through healthy food, and keeping meals small but frequent. I’m still pretty bloated, and I have just realised that I might be a little constipated. I am still waiting for the elusive PMS, and I really wish it would just hurry up already lol
I binge-read Leigh’sgottalottolose’ blog this morning, and am wondering how she is doing now - 3 years on from her last post. I loved reading her blog, and am wishing her all the best.
I am using the heat of the day to set up an excel spreadsheet that I can transfer my food and exercise logs to from my phone apps. I want to be able to print off my logs for my monthly check-ins with my doctor. It also makes me feel productive and in control, which is my favourite mood lol
I will probably check in again tonight - I am finding these blog entries therapeutic, and they help me put my thought in order. I hope everyone on this site has a successful and happy day today X
END OF DAY UPDATE:
Well, I didn’t end up looking up or doing any Pilates, HOWEVER! I did take my dog for a 2 km, 30 min walk this afternoon Fitbit tells me that I managed to burn 239 calories, plus my pup REALLY enjoyed it. I would ideally like to do this every other day, in between days of doing a HIIT workout (or similar). I am also hoping that the more I do this, the longer I can exercise and the stronger I can become
I also binge-read another blog entry this afternoon, and found it really inspiring. It definitely boosted my motivation!
I finally finished off my exercise & food diary spreadsheet. I might change it a bit from where it is now, but it would really only be for aesthetics. It’s set up to automatically highlight problematic results, and generate statistic based on data input. I will create a new tab for each week, and each weekly diary entry is designed to print easily onto 1 page so I can print them off at the end of each month to take to my doctor. I use other mobile apps (Fitbit, and the app for my smart scales) to keep more detailed records through the day. I am just transferring the numbers over at the end of the day. I am also considering taking weekly progress photos - though I will need to get a move on with my first one tomorrow! This is a sample of my first week so far:
I am going to take 1/2 an OTC sleeping aid tonight, and will again set my alarm for 5am. Hopefully if I get a good night sleep, I’ll feel better tomorrow. I hope everyone has had an amazing day! Xx
Week 6 - Done!
Well, that seems to have just flown by!
Once again, it has been a full on week! This week we finally did the big parts of the move, such as move the beds, the couches and the cutlery. Why didn't we think to get plastic utensils?! I may not have an appetite, but a girl needs to eat!
I decided to see the doctor for my weekly weigh in on the Friday, as Saturday was the final moving day, and there just was absolutely no time to see the doctor then.
No gym this week, but still healthy eating! I know - I am the poster girl for a successful Duromine journey! Well, more like the poster was thrown in the bin by the marketing exec...
Good old Mrs Monthly came along this week, and I wasn't expecting much change in my weight. We just battened down the hatches and steered clear of the dreaded chocolate! Oh man, I miss shovelling chocolate into my pie hole without a 2nd thought!
I'll cut it short - I reached my first mini milestone! I have been hoping to reach the 75kg mark, even being happy with 75.999999kg. Except my body decided to do one better! Friday I weighed in at 74.9kg! I also managed to get down to 73cm around my waist, which takes me to 1cm away from my waist goal!
Yesterday I decided to put on a pair of jeans I haven't worn in about 2 years. I did try them on before my Duromine adventure, and I couldn't get them past mid-thigh. Yesterday, they zipped and buttoned up without any muffin top! This was truly a win in my eyes!
I will admit that I am not looking forward to my next weigh in. Moving house is horrible, and your meals just don't make sense. Friday for lunch was a McDonalds cheese burger and small fries, dinner was a little bit of broth and a couple bites of my udon noodles, the chicken it came with and 3 mini spring rolls, Saturday lunch was a burger and chips, and dinner was nachos. But today is a new day, and I have been and will be sticking to my normal meal plan.
Keep up the good work everyone! You are all fantastic in your own weigh... way!
When I first looked into Duromine, and did the research on what others were feeling, I wasn't so sure I would reach the 5 week mark. The very few bad reviews and all the symptoms listed scared me a little, I must admit. But here I am!! 5 Weeks done and dusted!
Last week was hard. Like, really hard.
Not food hard. Not motivation hard. Just... hard hard.
Last week, work just seemed chaotic. My work load has been crazy for a couple months, but the last few weeks have just topped those now breezy seeming months before. There have also been a few concerns in my personal life and relationship outside of my control (which thankfully have now been smoothed over), and on top of it all, I am moving house!
Shame on you, mom and dad. I don't WANT to be an adult and move. YOU GAVE BIRTH TO ME! I DIDNT ASK FOR THIS?! WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY BILLS?? HOW DO YOU DO TAXES?!
Each week I do this, I realise how much of a drama queen I really am.
On top of this, I had insomnia! Why does the Universe want me to be double the miserable sow I already am?? This meant that I went to the gym a whopping 1 time! UGH!!!
9:10am came around again on Saturday, and I hopped in the car, and headed to my lovely doctor, who is probably sick of seeing me, and cursing me for taking time away from sick people. I'm sorry Doc, but I am sick. Sick of being lumpy cottage cheese, when all I want to be is a nice gouda!
We discuss my insomnia and read through my food diary. He judges me for my Lite n Easy burger (just let me live, man! The whole thing is only 312 calories!) but tells me to step on the scale.
I'm down another 2kg and a further cm down around my waist, even after a difficult week of frustration, aggravation, sadness, disappointment and stress! TELL VICTORIA SECRET I WILL WEAR THE FANTASY BRA NEXT YEAR! I AM A SEXY BEAST!
So right now, I am 8.3kg from my personal goal weight, and 13.3kg from my mothers goal weight for me
I hope that everyone else had a lovely week, that you are reaching your goals, and you are as proud of yourself as I am of you. Sometimes we need a little light and a little love, even when times are tough.
That, or cake.
Happy Monday, fellow foodies turned food fighters!
What a tumultuous week it has been! Crazy at work, crazy at home, crazy sitting in the corner of my shower singing Koomba-yah my Lord.
Crazy doesn't mean stop. While the world is crazy, we still need to find time and patience to continue on our Duromine journey. Our calories still need to be counted, and our exercise. Sometimes it is very hard to continue on the right path, and sometimes we really want to stray to the 'Dark Side'. The 'Dark Side' generally involves cookies, cakes and deep fried goodness OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO EAT IT ALL!!
Despite such a tiresome week, I was determined to make it work. This was my first week on the 40mg dose of Duromine, and I am pleased to report - No crazy side effects! I mean, I did get cold knees a lot. Is that a thing? You know how you get a cold sweat when you have a bad flu? Yea, well this feeling was only felt on my knees! I have been quite puzzled at this, but it has been refreshing in this horrible heat!
I have, however, come to the realisation that I go through a cycle. Like a light switch. Just a complicated light switch with needs and emotions. One night, I will have fantastic sleep, the next, I have little to no sleep, and so the cycle continues. I can't complain too much. At least I get a break in between each shitty night.
As per usual, Saturday rolls around, and I get ready for my weigh in. I search through my very empty wardrobe (thanks parents, for moving house and leaving me UNFABULOUS!!) for something very light. Is it legal to go outside in your undies? Will the people who reside in my area judge me?? Probably. Old prudes!
Doc calls me in at my scheduled time of 9:10am. I strut into the room, food and exercise diary tucked under my arm, ready to face the scales! Remember what I said before - Aim low - avoid disappointment! My cool demeanour, masking my fear of picking up an additional few hundred grams. But no - He will NOT smell the fear on me today. He only gets to smell the Dove underarm deodorant keeping the sweat at bay!
Doc takes a look at my diary. I can see he looks puzzled. Oh no... What have I done? Have I drawn something phallic? Are there smudges of chocolate on the pages?? No... He is looking at my exercise. I want to fall to the floor and beg for forgiveness! How dare I show my face in his rooms, after only spending 2 mornings in the gym this week! The insomnia has ruined me and my exercise routine. I may as well roll my tubby, wobbly body out of the room, like a gelatinous tumbleweed of sorrow!
I stepped on the scale...
I AM DOWN!!!
I turn to the Doctor and give him an excited smile. Its written all over my face! I have gone down on the scale again, and it feels so good!
Then this man... This wonderful man... This intelligent, compassionate, beautiful man, says something which makes the smile grow.
"Without clothes, I would put you at roughly 77.5KG"
Doc.. Can you leave the room so I can test this theory?
I was elated! I had lost weight again! Even though the week was stressful, sleep eluded me, and exercise was not what I wanted, or needed it to be, the number on the scale went down.
So I treated myself to 2 Krispy Kremes yesterday. YOLO
In short, enjoy the small wins, work hard with the time and enjoy the energy you have!
Calories eaten today: 832
Week 1 Starting weight 92.9 kilos
My first day of duromine (metermine, same same). I put off getting the tablets for a year or so because I was worried about the side affects I kept hearing people talk about. Mainly the heart beating super fast, but I’m so glad I started!!
I took my tablet at 7am this morning and went back to sleep until around 8:30am (probably could have slept later if my alarm didn’t go off and I didn’t have to go to work )
I was feeling a little disappointed because I couldn’t feel any difference and then 11am happened! I felt so buzzed and happy, I couldn’t stop talking!
I usually just have a coffee in the morning and eat my lunch around 2ish (I know this probably isn’t too healthy but I don’t get hungry until then!) Lunch came and it’s like I knew my body was hungry but there was this kind of numbing feeling over top so I found it a bit hard to eat my lunch (rice and tuna) because I just wasn’t hungry. I ended up only eating half a bowl. Usually I’m hungry again an hour or so after lunch but no hunger at all! I’ll have to buy some protein bars tomorrow for ease!
Had a chicken salad wrap for dinner (would probably usually have two). Im a biiiiiig lover of huge portions and snacks after dinner and this is where my weight problems come from. I also drink usually every Friday night and my choice of poison is bourbon and coke FULL OF SUGAR. So not being able to drink a lot while on these tablets will help so much.
I know it’s only day one but so far I haven’t had any of the bad side affects I’ve heard some people talk about. It’s almost 9pm and I’m feeling a little sleepy. I don’t go to bed until around 12 so I should be able to sleep like normal!
Im feeling really hopeful that this will work and I’ll try to blog how I’m feeling each day. If not for people to read, I’ll do it for myself to keep the motivation up!
Peace out Boy Scout!
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