Is it wrong to be angry?

Discussion in 'My Experience with Duromine' started by Mum3, Jun 13, 2014.

  1. Mum3

    Mum3 New Member
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    So for the last three months I have been going to a personal trainer twice a week and been on duromine. My husband started a health kick three weeks purely for himself. Comes home every afternoon and runs and exercises for an hour. While I read to the kids, clean cook and bath. I asked him at the beginning of my journey to be supportive.

    So he turns around today and proceeds to tell me that he has weighed in and has lost 6 kg.then he turns around and says oh that's 6kg in 3 weeks. Full well knowing that I have struggled to lose 5kg in 3 months.

    What is more frustrating is I do everything for everyone and feel guilty if I don't spend enough time with my kids. Were as he is all about himself. Onto of that I also take care of my terminally ill mother work 2 days a week and am a mum of three. I started this weight lose journey to prove something to myself and my mum who has always been a little concern about my weight.

    I am just very angry and frustrated. And am hoping someone can give me some helpful advice.
     
  2. Kate

    Kate Administrator
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    Men are men((( If he doesn't feel like he must support you morally, then...
    Maybe you should talk to him and explain that weight loss is important for you too. Maybe he'll agree to share child care with you evenly. Three kids! I guess he was participating in the whole process, wasn't he?)) These are his kids too, so honey, be a good daddy, please! (let him read jDad's posts:p)

    All in all it is between you and him, we are just strangers to advice you something.
    But I can tell for sure - men lose much faster, their body is different. So, you should just stick to your plan no matter what, and if it helps ask your hubby not to tell you about his weigh ins. If only we could not to gain so much during our pregnancies.......
     
  3. alacrity

    alacrity Member
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    Emotions are never wrong, it's our actions that can be an issue. I think it is very sad for you that your husband is not supportive and making things hard for you. My husband lost over 30kg and he says to me that I just need to exercise and eat right, well yes I know that, but for me it is not as simple as that. I find my support through my dietician and this site. Ideally my hubby would understand what I am dealing with but it's not the case. You keep going with what you are doing and celebrate your successes.
     
  4. jDad4509

    jDad4509 New Member
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    Men... jeepers what can I say abut my own sex... sometimes we are just such complete prats when it comes to reading and understanding others. We do things, thinking we are being supportive and helpful, but instead of sitting down and saying "Honey, what can I do to help you out as you work on losing weight?" we go off and do what we think is best because, for us, what we are planning is the sort of support WE would appreciate. Its something I have done so many times in my married life that I still leave myself gob-smacked when I do it AGAIN...
    While I don't really know what he is thinking, what I would suspect is this....
    "Wow, she is working so hard to lose weight, eat right and do all those other things that she does at the same time. What an absolutely amazing woman she is and I am really lucky to be sharing this life with her. If she can do it, maybe I can do it as well and we can support each other by going through it together. I'll do a bit of exercise and stuff and see how that goes."
    The internal monologue then translates into doing the exercise, losing the weight and sharing the success thinking that it will be a great support; just like his mates would. "Guys, I just dropped 6 kg's in 3 weeks!" "Dude, that's fantastic, well done. So what are you up to tomorrow?" then off they go on their merry way feeling validated and happy. Trouble is for some of us it's not supportive at all and it just comes off as sounding cocky and a wee bit arrogant.
    Mum3, if you feel you can (this is from the experience of having the following done to me) sit him down one evening after the kids are all in bed (something I know can be a bit of an ask) and let him know how proud you are of him in his journey to get fit and healthy. Then let him know that its not so easy for others and that you are one of those others. Share with him how tough it is for you, if you feel it is appropriate, and then ask him if he could give you a bit more practical support like helping bath the kids, do the dishes, do the school readers or homework or share the responsibility of making dinner before he jumps on the treadmill or does his exercises.
    Kate is right - as a Dad I was there to help create the little lives in our family (well all but two of them, but they were born of our hearts instead of our bodies) and I am duty bound by the fact that they share 1/2 of my DNA to assist in their raising; including the day to day mundane things (which can be really fun).
    I hope you have the chance to talk with him and that he has the ability to realise you are trying to be as honest and open as you can be, take what you say on-board and then work with you so that the both of you succeed in raising the kids, getting healthy and growing very old together.
     
  5. Lanny Edey

    Lanny Edey Member
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    As a mere male, I suppose we all have our weak points that aren't always shown to us. I can only speak on my behalf with my next comment, but, if I was you I would tell him to pull his head in and contribute through being a parent and spending equal quality time with his children. I, for one have always put my family first and then dealt with my exercising after the kids have gone to bed.
    It's got to be a level playing field and thats is created through mutual respect of each others needs and the needs as a family.
    You need to tell him that this current arrangement is not working and that you feel the children have become the sole responsibility of you.
    I don't know your family lifer how it works, but from what you have stated, you're not happy how it is at present, so something needs to change before it gets to a stage where you may resent him for his success in his journey of wanting to be fit and lose the weight.
    Like I said, these are only my comments and I can't speak on anyone else's behalf, but I do feel for you and I truly hope that some positives can come out of this that makes you awesome!!!!!!

    Anyway, if you keep progressing like you are now, you will easily get to your goal weight and beyond in less than 52 weeks, now thats worth the mental pain that you are fighting at the moment. Thats a good steady weight loss, at least you're guaranteed to not put it back on because you are losing it slowly so the body can stay in shape and look great.

    Rock on, stay fab ;-)
     
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